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The Marshmallow Challenge for Toddlers

In the late ’60s and early ’70s, researcher Walter Mischel began methodically tormenting four-year-olds at Stanford University’s BingNursery School. More than 500 children were volunteered for the diabolical program by their own parents, many of whom would later,like millions of others, laugh mercilessly at videos of the squirming,miserable kids. The devilish experiment was called  “The Marshmallow Test.” It was an interesting way to look at willpower.

Kids were offered one of three treats—a pretzel, a cookie, or the now infamous marshmallow. The child was told that the researcher had to step away, and if he could wait 15 minutes until the researcher returned, he’d be awarded a second treat. One treat now or two later.

(Mischel knew they’d designed the test well when a few of the kids wanted to quit as soon as they explained the ground rules.) Left alone with a marshmallow they couldn’t eat, kids engaged

in all kinds of delay strategies, from closing their eyes, pulling their own hair, and turning away, to hovering over, smelling, and even caressing their treats. On average, kids held out less than three minutes. And only three out of ten managed to delay their gratification until the researcher returned. It was pretty apparent most kids struggled with delayed gratification. Willpower was in short supply.

Initially no one assumed anything about what success or failure in the marshmallow test might say about a child’s future. That insight came about organically. Mischel’s three daughters attended Bing Nursery School, and over the next few years, he slowly began to see a pattern when he’d ask them about classmates who had participated in the experiment. Children who had successfully waited for the second treat seemed to be doing better. A lot better. Starting in 1981, Mischel began systematically tracking down the original subjects. He requested transcripts, compiled records, and mailed questionnaires in an attempt to measure their relative academic and social progress. His hunch was correct—willpower or the ability to delay gratification was a huge indicator of future success. Over the next 30-plus years, Mischel and his colleagues published numerous papers on how “high delayers” fared better.

Success in the experiment predicted higher general academic achievement, SAT test scores that were on average 210 points higher, higher feelings of self-worth, and better stress management. On the other hand, “low delayers” were 30 percent more likely to be overweight and later suffered higher rates of drug addiction. When your mother told you “all good things come to those who wait,” she wasn’t kidding.

Willpower is so important that using it effectively should be a high priority. Unfortunately, since it’s not on will-call, putting it to its best use requires you to manage it. Just as with “the early bird gets the worm” and “make hay while the sun shines,” willpower is a timing issue. When you have your will, you get your way. Although character is an essential element of willpower, the key to harnessing it

is when you use it.

When I was a young boy, my father loved to read me a fairy tale known as ‘Peter and the Magic Thread.’ Peter was a very lively little boy. Everyone loved him: his family, his teachers and his friends. But he did have one weakness.”

“What was that?”

“Peter could never live in the moment He had not learned to enjoy the process of life. When he was in school, he dreamed of being outside playing. When he was outside playing he dreamed of his summer vacation. Peter constantly daydreamed, never taking the time to savor the special moments that filled his days.

One morning, Peter was out walking in a forest near his home. Feeling tired, he decided to rest on a patch of grass and eventually dozed off. After only a few minutes of deep sleep, he heard someone calling his name. ‘Peter! Peter!’ came the shrill voice from above.

As he slowly opened his eyes, he was startled to see a striking woman standing above him. She must have been over a hundred years old and her snow-white hair dangled well below her shoulders like a matted blanket of wool. In this woman’s wrinkled hand was a magical little ball with a hole in the center and out of the hole dangled a long, golden thread.”

“‘Peter,’ she said, this is the thread of your life.

If you pull the thread just a bit, an hour will pass in seconds. If you pull a little harder, whole days will pass in minutes. And if you pull with all your might, months — even years — will pass by in days.

Peter grew very excited at this discovery. ‘I’d like to have it if I may?’ he asked. The elderly woman quickly reached down and gave the ball with the magic thread to the young boy.

The next day, Peter was sitting in the classroom feeling restless and bored.

Suddenly, he remembered his new toy. As he pulled a little bit of the golden thread,  he quickly found himself at home, playing in his garden. Realizing the power of the magic thread, Peter soon grew tired of being a schoolboy and longed to be a teenager, with all the excitement that phase of life would bring. So again he pulled out the ball and pulled hard on the golden thread.

Suddenly he was a teenager with a very pretty young girlfriend named Elise. But Peter still wasn’t content. He had never learned to enjoy the moment and to explore the simple wonders of every stage of his life.

Instead, he dreamed of being an adult. So again he pulled on the thread and many years whizzed by in an instant. Now he found that he had been transformed into a middle-aged adult. Elise was now his wife and Peter was surrounded with a houseful of kids. But Peter also noticed something else. His once jet black hair had started to turn grey. And his once youthful mother whom he loved so dearly had grown

old and frail. Yet Peter still could not live in the moment. He had never learned to ‘live in the now’ so, once again, he pulled on the magic thread and waited for the changes to appear.

Peter now found that he was a ninety-year-old man. His thick dark hair had turned white as snow and his beautiful young wife Elise had also grown old and had passed away a few years earlier.

His wonderful children had grown up and left home to lead lives of their own. For the first time in his entire life, Peter realized that he had not taken the time to embrace the wonders of living.

He had never gone fishing with his kids or taken a moonlight stroll with Elise. He had never planted a garden or read those wonderful books his mother had loved to read. Instead, he had hurried through life, never resting to see all that was good along the way. Peter became very sad at this discovery. He decided to go out to the forest where he used to walk as a boy to clear his head and warm his spirit. As he entered the forest, he noticed that the little saplings of his childhood had grown into mighty oaks. The forest itself had matured into a paradise of nature.

He lay down on a small patch of grass and fell into a deep slumber. After only a minute, he heard someone calling out to him. ‘Peter! Peter!’ cried the voice. He looked up in astonishment to see that it was none other than the old woman who had given him the ball with the magic golden thread many years earlier.

‘How have you enjoyed my special gift?’ she asked.

Peter was direct in his reply. ‘At first it was fun but now I hate it.

My whole life has passed before my eyes without giving me the  chance to enjoy it. Sure, there would have been sad times as well as great times but I haven’t had the chance to experience either. I feel empty inside. I have missed the gift of living.’

‘You are very ungrateful,’ said the old woman. ‘Still, I will give you one last wish.’ Peter thought for an instant and then answered hastily. ‘I’d like to go back to being a schoolboy and live my life over again.’ He then returned to his deep sleep. Again he heard someone calling his name and opened his eyes. ‘Who could it be this time?’ he wondered.

When he opened his eyes, he was absolutely delighted to see his mother standing over his bedside. She looked young, healthy and radiant. Peter realized that the strange woman of the forest had indeed granted his wish and he had returned to his former life. ‘Hurry up Peter. You sleep too much. Your dreams will make you late for school if you don’t get up right this minute,’ his mother admonished. Needless to say, Peter dashed out of bed on this morning and began to live the way he had hoped. Peter went on to live a full life, one rich with many delights, joys and triumphs, but it all started when he stopped sacrificing the present for the future and began to live in the moment. #Cheers

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls

In his novel Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas, James Patterson artfully highlights where our priorities lie in our personal and professional balancing act:

“Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you’re keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.

The other four balls—family, health, friends, integrity—are made of Glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.” 😦

The question of balance is really a question of priority.

When you change your language from balancing to prioritizing, you see your choices more clearly and open the door to changing your destiny. Things to ponder upon.

Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps is a case study of selected discipline.

When he was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder ) as a child, his kindergarten teacher told his mother,
“Michael can’t sit still. Michael can’t be quiet… . He’s not gifted. Your son will never be able to focus on anything.”
Bob Bowman, his coach since age 11, reports that Michael spent a lot of time on the side of the pool by the lifeguard stand for disruptive behavior. That same misbehavior has cropped up
from time to time in his adult life as well.
Yet, he’s set dozens of world records.

In 2004 he won six gold and two bronze medals in Athens and then, in 2008, a record eight in
Beijing, surpassing the legendary Mark Spitz. His 18 gold medals set a record for Olympians in any sport. Before he hung up his goggles in retirement, his wins at the 2012 London Olympic Games brought his total medal count to 22 and earned him the status of most-decorated Olympian in any sport in history.

Today, his mom reports, “Michael’s ability to focus amazes me.” Bowman calls it “his strongest attribute.” How did this happen? How did the boy who would “never be able to focus on anything” achieve so much?
Phelps became a person of selected discipline.

From age 14 through the Beijing Olympics, Phelps trained seven days a week, 365 days a year. He figured that by training on Sundays he got a 52-training-day advantage on the competition.

He spent up to six hours in the water each day. “Channeling his energy is one of his great strengths,” said Bowman. Not to oversimplify, but it’s not a stretch to say that Phelps channeled all of his energy into one discipline that developed into one habit—swimming daily.

Your life gets clearer and less complicated because you know what you have to do well and you know what you don’t.

Give each habit enough time. Stick with the discipline long enough for it to become routine. Habits, on average, take 66 days to form. Once a habit is solidly established, you can either build on that habit or, if appropriate, build another one.
A Lesson to learn from the celebrated swimmer of our age and time, and beyond. Excrepts from the book “THE ONE THING_Gary Keller

• 

A great Egyptian pharaoh summons his two young nephews, Chuma and Azur, and he
commissions them to a majestic task: Build two monumental pyramids as a tribute to Egypt.
Upon completion of each nephew’s pyramid, Pharaoh promises each an immediate reward of
kingship, retirement amidst riches, and lavish luxury for the rest of their natural lives.
Additionally, each nephew must construct his pyramid alone.
Chuma and Azur, both 18, know their daunting task will take years to complete. Nonetheless,
each is primed for the challenge and honored by the Pharaoh’s directive. They exit Pharaoh’s
chambers ready to begin the long pyramid-building process.
Azur begins work immediately. He slowly drags large heavy stones into a square formation.
After a few months, the base of Azur’s pyramid takes shape. Townsfolk gather around Azur’s
constructive efforts and praise his handiwork. The stones are heavy and difficult to move, and
after one year of heavy labor, Azur’s perfect square foundation to the pyramid is nearly
finished.
But Azur is perplexed. The plot of land that should bear Chuma’s pyramid is empty. Not one
stone has been laid. No foundation. No dirt engravings. Nothing. It’s as barren as it was a year
ago when Pharaoh commissioned the job. Confused, Azur visits Chuma’s home and finds him
in his barn diligently working on a twisted apparatus that resembles some kind of human
torture device.
Azur interrupts, “Chuma! What the hell are you doing!? You’re supposed to be building Pharaoh
a pyramid and you spend your days locked in this barn fiddling with that crazy machine?”
Chuma cracks a smile and says, “I am building a pyramid, leave me alone.”
Azur scoffs, “Yeah, sure you are. You haven’t laid one stone in over a year!”
Chuma, engrossed and unfazed by his brother’s accusation retorts, “Azur, you’re shortsightedness
and thirst for wealth have clouded your vision. You build your pyramid and I will
build mine.”
As Azur walks away, he chides, “You fool! Pharaoh will hang you in the gallows when he
discovers your treason.”
Another year passes and Azur solidifies the base of his pyramid and begins the second level.
Except a problem arises. Azur struggles in his progress. The stones are heavy and he cannot
raise them to the pyramid’s second level. Challenged by his physical limitations, Azur
recognizes his weakness: he needs more strength to move heavier stones, and to do so, seeks
the counsel of Bennu, Egypt’s strongest man. For a fee, Bennu trains Azur to build bigger and
stronger muscles. With great strength, Azur anticipates the heavier stones will be easier to lift
onto the higher levels.

Meanwhile, Chuma’s pyramid plot of land is still barren. Azur assumes his brother has a death
wish since, by all appearances, Chuma is violating Pharaoh’s mandate. Azur forgets about his
brother and his nonexistent pyramid.
Another year passes and Azur’s pyramid construction slows to a disheartening crawl. It often
takes one month just to place one stone. Moving stones to the upper levels require great
strength and Azur spends much of his time working with Bennu to build greater strength.
Additionally, Azur is spending most of his money on counseling fees and the exotic diet
required for the training. Azur estimates at his current construction pace, his pyramid will be
completed in another 30 years. Unfazed, Azur lauds, “After three years, I’ve far surpassed my
brother. He hasn’t placed one stone yet! That fool!”
Then, suddenly, one day while hauling a heavy stone up his pyramid, Azur hears a loud
commotion erupting from the town square. The townsfolk, regular observers to his work,
abruptly abandon his plot to examine the celebratory fuss. Curious himself, Azur takes a break
and leaves to investigate.
Surrounded by a cheering crowd, Chuma trolls up the town square commandeering a 25-foot
contraption, a towering machine built from a twisted maze of gantries, wheels, levers, and
ropes. As Chuma slowly moves up the village street amidst the buoyant crowd, Azur fears the
explanation. After a short trawl to Chuma’s barren pyramid plot, Azur’s suspicions are
confirmed.
Within minutes, Chuma’s strange machine starts moving heavy stones and begins to lay the
foundation to his pyramid. One after another, the machine effortlessly lifts the stones and
softly places them side-by-side into place. Miraculously, the machine requires little effort for
Chuma’s operation. Crank a wheel attached to a rope and cantilever entwined by a gear system,
and bingo! Heavy stones are moved quickly and magically.
While Azur’s pyramid foundation took over a year to build, Chuma lines up the foundation to
his pyramid within one week. The second level that Azur so arduously struggled with is even
more shocking: Chuma’s machine does the work 30 times quicker. What took Azur two months
takes Chuma’s machine two days. After 40 days, Chuma and his machine accomplish as much
as Azur’s three years of toilsome work.
Azur was destroyed. He spent years doing the heavy lifting while Chuma built a machine to do it
for him.
Instead of honoring the machine, Azur vows, “I must get stronger! I must lift heavier stones!”
Azur continues the hard labor of pyramid building while Chuma continues to work the crank of
his machine.

After eight years, Chuma finishes his pyramid at age 26: three years to build the system and
five years to reap the benefits of the system. The great pharaoh is pleased and does as
promised. He rewards Chuma with kingship and endows him with great riches. Chuma never
has to work another day in his life.
Meanwhile, Azur continues to dredge away at the same old routine. Lift rocks, waste time and
money to get stronger, lift rocks, and get stronger. Sadly, Azur refuses to acknowledge his
flawed strategy and endures the same old process: Carry heavy stones until you can lift no more
. . . then get stronger so you can lift heavier stones.
This mindless prescription leads Azur to a lifetime of toil. He never finishes his pyramid
promised to Pharaoh simply because he decides to do the heavy lifting himself when he should
have focused on a system to do it for him. Azur has a heart attack and dies while on the 12th level
of his pyramid, just two levels from finishing. He never experiences the great riches promised
by Pharaoh.
Meanwhile, Chuma retires 40 years early in a crown of luxury. Sloshing in free time, Chuma
goes on to become Egypt’s greatest scholar and an accomplished inventor. He is entombed
alongside Pharaoh in the same pyramid he built.

****

Slowlane, you are the source of heavy lifting, while in the
Fastlane, you construct a system that does it for you.

A Lesson for Young Entrepreneurs, excerpts from
MJ DeMarco’s “The Millionaire Fastlane Crack the Code”

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton